Essayism,  Politics

If I was a terrorist

If I was a terrorist

Then I would as the first go down to the equipment store and get myself a disguise so I could play the role of the people’s benefactor, its nice uncle, the philanthropist, the democrat, the idealist, the ideologue or maybe the holy warrior who uncompromisingly fights for justice.

I would write heartbreaking manifestos on how welfare behavior should be ensured by people like me. I would also describe what would happen if people did not surrender this behavior that they do not know what to put up with. I would exaggerate the description so that the point becomes pedagogically clear.

Which pedagogical means I would use depends on what seems effective for the purpose.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would hire a whole lot of people to sit and map out the human psyche and behavior. They had to study man, as if it were a thing that could be disassembled and reassembled, or a computer that could be programmed. I would make it clear to my employees that their work is strictly confidential and that it will have consequences for them and perhaps their family to break the confidentiality.

The employees would regularly come up with reports and recommendations that I could use if I wanted to. If I decide to use them, I would provide an educational communication to those who make the decisions. I would make it clear to the imaginary decision makers that they will only be able to make decisions in the future if they make the right decisions. Or else.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would launch a total interception of what both people and decision makers are doing. With my terrorist network, I would want to tap into all wires and non-wires, into all signals and get my fingers in all communication. I would want to store the information mass on giant hard drives and databases and develop programs that could map any person’s or group of people’s lives.

Once I had done this, I would make sure that the same software and hardware that I have used to collect information is also used to create false information and destroy good information. People need certain information to be useful. I would never tell what I used this information for, but make it clear that if people did not accept it, then they probably did not have pure flour in the bag. Like me.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make sure people have enough to look after. It does not have to be easy. Getting the daily bread and roof over your head should not be easy. Getting a livelihood does not have to be easy. Avoiding getting into trouble with others should not be easy. Maintaining your health does not have to be easy.

In particular, I would want to make sure, that there was always a new war in the pipeline. Saving one’s life should not be easy. There should never be enough supplies, and having enough even in modest measure should not be easy. Finding out what is true and false should be next to impossible.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make sure people were deeply indebted. Never being able to pay one’s debts is an exquisite and well-reputed form of terror. I would make sure to configure the system, so that it is inevitable for both people and states to be indebted.

If they do not understand the message, I would make sure to either open the valves or close them completely.
Both states are equally exquisite.

Poverty and famine must always be plentiful. At that point, I want to be generous. And to show that I can be generous too, I want to make sure that there are also vaccines, programs to reduce the number of people on the planet and programs to save the climate of the Universe. It is, of course, very costly, and while climate terrorism is making its impact, the 6.5 billion who fall for the threshold will be allowed to pay for their own extinction in the same blow. That’s only fair, since we have to clean up the mess afterwards.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would implement laws and regulations that prohibit freedom, well-being, simple prosperity, own initiative and actual knowledge.

I would make sure all news media is full of lost cheating and fake platitudes. In an entertaining way, of course. People love childishness, so there must be plenty of that. Likewise, I would make sure that there are cheats and tricks at the heavy end, and these I would call historicity and science.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make sure that scientists stick to each their little field. Since they have studied most of their younger lives to be allowed to research their homunculi, I would make sure that it was clear to them that they should stick to their deformity. As with decision makers, they need to understand that they should not expect to continue to do so unless they come up with the right usable results.

Should they nonetheless come up with incorrect results that still seem useful to kill people in a more efficient way, then they will be asked to leave it to people who are employed backstage.

As a good terrorist, I would want to know that anything can be used as a weapon against others.
Even a boiled beetroot used properly can be deadly.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make sure to check all education. Already from kindergarten, the little pods need to know that they should not ask the wrong questions about the wrong things. Nor about the right ones. They need to learn to ask the right questions so that we can give them the right answers. So, not the wrong ones. Am I expressing myself clearly?

People need to learn as early as possible that questions and answers fall within a specific framework already set out for them. They can ask questions for details, but not on the premise. They must learn to fear incorrect questions. Once they have learned their lesson, it is then permissible to make all sorts of assumptions about everything possible in the whole World – without having to examine it first. It is even politically correct.

Most will either not have learned anything at all, or their knowledge will be useless. Well you say, it’s not all in vain, so what do we do with education? FOOL! Do you understand nothing? Sorry, I just forgot myself for a second. You have completely understood that 🙂

If I was a terrorist

Then I would teach people to fear God for his lack of unconditional love.
But since God rarely has time to be present at the headquarters, I kindly make myself available instead.

Everything and everyone who appears with stylish authority can be God. I will make sure to incarnate him when needed. Not everyone goes to a church, but it is not necessary. Maybe they turn on the television, and then he’s there too. Maybe they happen to be surfing the Internet at random, and then he should be there too. Maybe they are cultivating a political ideology because they miss a religion. No problem. Maybe they are for atheism or NewAge flicker, and alakazam-simsalabim! Then God is here too! And in Hollywood, there will be not just one God, but an entire army of gods, angels and saints, something for everyone.

And if someone mentally crippled asks: Who are you? Then I just say: I am who I am.
And all that nonsense with spirit and love, you can well forget all about.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make sure to hire some pros who can do it for terrorists who, quite randomly, and without head and tail, can strike somewhere and anywhere in the World. I will then be the first to identify them and shout: Look, here they go again! What did I say !? And then I would quickly come up with the right suggestions on how we, together, hand in hand, can tighten belts and buttocks and make the necessary sacrifices that need to be made.

Both when the skilled professionals with admirable precision neck a stack of women, children and old men, or an entire island with school children, or clear a bar, or when they just smear ketchup in the head and roll over on the side – remember a synagogue in passing, it’s important – then everyone will know, and everyone will co-write the story.

And then there will immediately be men in combat uniform with automatic weapons on every street corner to take care of all those who got scared. What else would you have thought? – then terror would be a bad investment!

If I was a terrorist

Then I would hire an army of corrupt journalists, scribes and flatterers who can bring all the most despairing news 24/7/365 without at any point providing an explanation of how events fit together.

I would leave people in a hell of loose ends, numerous as the grass in the field. In return, every day will offer a new story of grizzly boogeymen out there in the wilderness of the world, eating children and dogs just waiting for us to turn our backs on and – as if they had nothing else and more meaningful to take care of – spend all their time on gruesome conspiracies, with the sole purpose of ruining our lives. And if you do not believe in that theory, you are a conspiracy theorist.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would make a FUCKING lot of terror and prove (read: claim) that it was a lonely maniac who had had an unhappy childhood. And to prevent this pure and simple case of unique madness, without planning and complicity and deeper cause, it requires a whole series of laws and rules and the lapse of rights, in order for us to prevent what cannot be prevented, to predict the unpredictable and explain the inexplicable. It makes so amazingly good sense that everyone will understand and accept it.

Now I said prove. Here you must understand that the proof lies in the fact that I say that this is so. Because I say so! That’s one of the nice things about terrorism. Once the machine is in position, you can say anything and people will not be able to say anything else. There is no need for evidence at all, it is superfluous, it is inappropriate. Evidence is, after all, cumbersome and outdated jurisprudence.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would not settle for a dusty cave in Afghanistan. I would demand oval offices, desks the size of tennis courts, teleprompters, board positions and portfolios. I would not find myself in gangs in the outskirts, I would command national armies. I did not want to use scout boys, I wanted to hire intelligence services for the dirty work.

From my safe fortification behind bulletproof glasses, in the back seat of limousines surrounded by security guards in suits and sunglasses, I would then hire all the lowlife losers and stunners that I later plan to call out as terrorists.

They will consist of fucked-up young men with really bad upbringing, that I shall equip with brand new Nike shoes, Toyotas, automatic weapons and poison gas.

If I was a terrorist

Then I would I make sure there was plenty of guilt, shame and fear. I would not neglect an opportunity to keep this glorious stew boiling. You may think that terror only has to do with fear, but here you are wrong. Guilt and shame cannot be praised enough. I would set up entire institutes for guilt and shame.

Shame on you for taking an incorrect word in your mouth. Shame on you for being righteously angry. It’s your fault that I now have to stick your eyes out and cut off your tongue. And when people perish in thousands of weapons of mass destruction, it will be said that they themselves asked for it, because it was they themselves who used weapons of mass destruction.

I am sitting her getting high on my own stroke of genius. People get all the blame for everything I do to them.
How incredible it is that it can be done!

If I was a terrorist

Then the executioner would whine like the victim, and the victims would be accused of having performed all the filthy tricks that the executioner had committed. I would want to make sure the whole world felt sorry for me. And believe me, it’s actually incredibly hard work to cut people to pieces and boobitrap’e all those babies, I think by the way well that people could take a little more account of that.

In addition, I would lie without a blouse. It’s actually so comprehensive that I’ve had to hire people to come up with new lies and check that I’m not going to contradict them in the next interview I give or the next press release I issue. Fortunately, people can not remember from nose to mouth and can no longer discern that there is neither head nor tail in the phony stories.

If I was a terrorist

Then, sooner or later, I would be caught in terror and exhibited as what I am: a terrorist!

Then I would pull on the smiley face, for that day, I plan to be untouchable.
I am your president, your politician, your bank adviser, your psychiatrist, your editor-in-chief, your intelligence agent,
your middle manager, your medical director, your HA chieftain, your revival preacher, your chief ideologue, your NGOs,
your Kabbalist, your caseworker, your historical icon, your expert, your thought police.

I am out of educational reach because I am your educator.
I am above all doubt, for I am the doubt in your mind.
I can not be captured, for I am your prison guard.
I’m too big to fail and too cunning to bail.

If I were an animal, what animal was I then? A chameleon or an electric eel?
If you’ll hold me accountable, I’m your chief accountant.
If you push me, I’m your press manager.
If you make me insecure, I’m your security boss.
If you attack me, I’m your Chief of Defense.

That morning, I play my victim role with stylish pathos.
That day I have a couple of magic tricks up my sleeve and turn off the sunshine.
That evening I slip into the shadows of the Evening Land of long knives.
That night no woman will sleep her beauty sleep and no child will wake up in innocence.

If I was a terrorist …

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